DAVID BARNETT from THE BOYFRIENDS
1. Who are you?
I am David.
2. No, really, who are you?
Mongrel descendent of Polish refugees and Scottish miners with some vague link to doctor
David Livingstone. In retrospect, an invention of my snobbier relatives. I presume.
Currently pretending to play bass in a band called the Boyfriends which I am enjoying tremendously.
Strange aversion to capital letters [Editor: in order to achieve
consistency, I have imposed capital letters onto Mr Barnett’s e.e.
cummings-esque style]. And capital punishment.
3. What are you up to at the moment?
Making the most of a week off. Museum of Childhood yesterday, planning a poke around
Churchill’s underground bunker today and hopefully Saul Bass exhibition tomorrow.
4. What three rules would make up your manifesto?
Be good. Be lucky. And don’t you ever stop being dandy, showing me you’re handsome.
5. If you were the dictator of a modern industrial country, what would
you abolish? What laws would you implement?
I would abolish whingers and also private healthcare and education. I would also scrap university apart from courses that teach you something useful –
i.e. how to be a brain surgeon or nuclear physicist. I would introduce compulsory voting by internet with an option for “none of the above”.
the people who voted for none of the above would automatically be registered
on a list of presidential candidates. The President would not replace the
Queen but be an amusing complement to her. The rest of the monarchy would be
streamlined so that only the serving monarch was on the pay roll (around £16
grand a year should do her I reckon?). She could keep a few rooms in buck house but the rest would be turned into a flash hostel to the homeless on
some kind of rotating system that I haven’t properly worked out yet. They’d have to stop murdering grouse etc as well.
I would introduce a nationwide congestion charge on a sliding income-related scale with proper rural areas
exempt. Then I’d take the afternoon off.
6. What are your lyrics about?
I haven’t written a song for a few years now. a sample lyric will probably explain why:
“I am a tortoise / don’t play with the big boys / I don’t like
football / why? / because it’s crap.”
7. What is your opinion on the contemporary music scene? What do you
Socially, it’s the best it has been for many moons. Musically, I’m not so sure.
Art Brut always make me smile. Which is a good thing, I think.
8. What distinguishes you from your peers?
A couple of inches here and there.
9. Where do you see yourself in five years time?
Still searching for the river Fleet.
10. Any regrets?
Loads. But it’s better to regret something you have done than something you haven’t.