Bryn Phillips


1. Who are you?

Mr. Phillips.

2. No, really, who are you?

The voice of Reg the lovely giraffe, in the radio show ‘Vile Lynn’, no really I am. I am short and sometimes angry. I have recently had my heart
broken by a boxer who enjoyed hitting me. This could give you a clue. I take 150 mils of Dothiepin at night, and have given up smoking to improve my
singing voice. I am not a dogmatist, although I identify with Marxism to some extent, although I am a pacifist which rather rules out bloody
proletariat war for now. I like sleeping with men, although this is seemingly a rare phenomenon these days. I am twenty-five.

3. What are you up to at the moment?

At the moment I am homeless again in Brighton, this happens every year at the end of the summer to rather a lot of us, who end up sleeping on either
Lucille Beard or Jean-Lois’ sofa. This time I have lost both my pianos and two settees, which wounded me, although I managed to save my collection of
Dr. Who DVDs and all my books, which is the only good side to it all. In three weeks it is highly likely that I shall relocate to London where the
streets are paved with gold… I am writing a book about a girl who kills her neighbours sow, called ‘The Artiodactyl and Me’. I started it two years
ago and am nearly finished.

4. What three rules would make up your manifesto?

Never lie to your mother or your friends, never steal (although I used to steal Smiths albums and the like from
HMV), and never be violent.

5. If you were the dictator of a modern industrial country, what would
you abolish? What laws would you implement?

The act of union. I suspect I might create a law that instigates the return of the stolen wealth of the Celtic people and abolish the armed forces whose
25 billion pound budget rather stinks when people still have to pick winkles
from the rocks in Pembrokeshire in order to survive. Every school child would be taught that America has throughout its’ history bombed one in 
eleven countries on earth, in fact I’ll lie to the children since I am a dictator, and say the statistic is actually every country. I would have
them know that coca-cola also rots your soul. I would ban any killing of animals and eating meat.

6. What are your lyrics about?

Me and Vile Lynn. God, she’s horrible.

7. What is your opinion on the contemporary music scene? What do you

I don’t have a positive one, as I believe I told you once before on a
scrapheap. I have not bought a music paper since I was 18, I don’t listen to the radio, other than woman’s hour if I am awake in time, or radio three
as I go to sleep. I have heard names bandied about such as, The Libertines and Franz
Ferdinand, however I don’t know them at all. I am excited about Bernard and Brett’s new band and album, and thought Stephen’s latest record
rather wonderful. especially the song about Latino Street gangs. My Private
Life are mighty fine though, best thing since emulsifiers were introduced to
sliced bread.

8. What distinguishes you from your peers?

I have quite honestly never had any peers, although I once spent some time with the constitutional expert Lord St. John of Fawsley at an orgy in
Cambridge at Emmanuel College in 1995. If anything distinguishes me from my contemporaries it is the fact that I am a transsexual lady who is happy with
a penis.

9. Where do you see yourself in five years time?

Cashing a giro and homeless at the end of each summer. Unless my ex-lover will take me back who works for a bank…

10. Any regrets?

What a silly question! My life is a series of regrets.