Character is destiny. You are fascinating enough to be questionnaired by The Mind’s Construction. Starting with where and when you were born, could you briefly describe your life up to this point?
Born in St Albans, 1971.
Stuck on my own in a lift in Watford, 1975.
First love, Sarah Sims, next door neighbour, 1977.
First utterance of word “fuck”, 1980.
Bought “Into Battle With The Art Of Noise”, 1983.
Played cricket for Bedfordshire Under 16s, 1985.
Finalist in godforsaken National Champion Children competition, 1986.
Joined The Keatons for 6 years of jumping through indie hoops, 1989
Kicked off Blur’s UK tour for “lack of professionalism”, 1990.
Peel Session with band “Gag” 1993.
Got married, 1995.
Sent Goldie to the wrong airport and nearly lost a Yugoslavian promoter $10,000, 1998.
Visited Cornwall, 2000.
Got divorced, 2001. Got paid to be funny, 2001.
First Free French album released, 2002.
First article in newspaper, 2003.
There is no progress. Yet time relentlessly pursues you in one direction or another. If you were plotting your life’s trajectory on a graph, what would the line look like?
A beautifully ascending incline, with barely any kinks. Expecting it to soar exponentially at any moment.
Keep that line in mind. Describe the zenith. Relate the nadir.
Zenith: playing with The Keatons at Castle Buchlov in the Czech Republic to about 800 families as the sun set.
Nadir: playing with The Keatons at North London Poly as our guitarist had a nervous breakdown onstage while our performance artist re-enacted a sumo wrestling bout using hard boiled eggs.
It was one of those bands.
Consciousness is a mere ripple on the surface of the lake that is our mind. Tell me last dream you can remember having.
I was doing undercover journalism exposing atrocities being committed in the pork industry. I was unmasked, and I knew this as a tiny piglet was thrust through my letterbox in the early hours of the morning. I managed to trap it under the duvet and then I woke up.
I don’t like hearing about other people’s dreams.
Truth is felt by instinct, a process which saves time and trouble. Choose – instinctively – from these:
Satisfied Fool or Dissatisfied Socrates?
Skimmed Milk or Full Fat?
Boys or Girls?
Standing Up or Sitting Down?
Mum or Dad?
Bookmarks or Folded Corners?
(If you had to be) Blind or Deaf?
Poetry or prose?
Atheist or Believer?
Does the mind rule the body or the body rule the mind?
Mind the body.
Animal, Mineral or Plant?
There’s no art to find the mind’s construction in the face. What are the differences between your external appearance and your internal make-up?
I look short-sighted but I think a long way ahead.